Santa Baby

The excitement of the Christmas season is palpable in young children. Unfortunately, the stress of parents can also be palpable. This holiday season I invite you to sit back for a moment and consider the realities of the season and to make a leap of faith that this year it will be truly memorable and magical, the kind of Christmas that every child deserves.

Let’s start with a simple Christmas task. Make a list and check it twice. What and who is on your holiday gift list this year? Is your six year old asking for an I-pad? Have the number of people on the list grown exponentially through the years? Will buying everything on your list for everyone on your list leave you in debt until next Christmas or beyond?

Parents so often express disbelief when their children rip through the packaging on Christmas morning only to complain a few minutes later that they are bored or worse, they play with the boxes, not the toys that came in them! Yet, year after year, we do the same thing expecting different results. Isn’t that the definition of insanity according to Einstein? So this year instead of expecting different, let’s do different. This year make the holidays really meaningful by scaling back, relaxing and enjoying the time we spend with our loved ones.

Change one thing this year. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

1. 1. Instead of going shopping one night, stay in and bake cookies with your kids.

   2. Instead of buying another plastic, noisy toy, make a toy for your child.

   (Check these out. If you don’t sew, try this or this and throw it in a Christmas Gift Bag.)

   3. Think outside of Target or mall stores and give your kids something really great!

   (I got my kids plastic pipes from the hardware store. They played with them ALL summer long, just add water)

   4. Forgo gifts and have everyone over for Christmas Dinner or cook for someone who can’t.

   5. Consider a donation in someone’s name.

   6. Buy a memory, instead of a toy. (Tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet, a weekend camping, a day off school to spend at the aquarium, museum or painting with your child or significant other.)

   7. Open only one gift on Christmas day. Stretch the gift giving until the 6^th of January (Three Kings Day.) Each day the gift gets smaller, such as favorite card game, a candy bar, coins from different countries.

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See how it feels to do one little thing differently, but consciously. Give yourself and your kids credit. You’ll be surprised that their excitement won’t diminish because the gifts are small or there are less of them or they are handmade. Children delight in the change of routine, the staying up late and drinking hot cocoa. They delight in the stories, in the family. They delight in knowing that this handmade gift is one of a kind, no one else will have one. Christmas is not about shopping or checking off a to do list, it’s about coming together in the spirit of rebirth and celebration. Children intrinsically get it. We adults should let them enjoy it, without spoiling it for them with our worries or expectations.

Merry Christmas to you and yours and may the peace of a newborn baby forever live in your heart.

Alida

Observing

When was the last time you sat in silence with your child and observed nature in action? These moments are few and far between. With the mastery of speech comes an onslaught of verbal observations. Look, mommy look! This is the child's anthem. I have often used the "it's quiet time" just so that I could have a moment to concentrate. Sometimes I use it at the grocery store so that I can have a minute to read a label, or in the car so I can concentrate as a search for a particular address. If not checked, children (and some adults) will start their verbal onslaught upon waking and it will continue throughout the end until lights out at the end of the evening. I once found my son sitting behind the sofa in quiet contemplation and asked him what he was thinking about. I NEVER made that mistake again. It was just so strange that I was actually concerned that something was wrong.

One of my goal for the kids in the program is to balance them out a bit when it comes to verbal chatter and quiet time. We tend to associate verbal fluency with intelligence and there maybe a correlation. However there is a difference between verbal fluency and verbal chatter. I tell the kids all time to use their words like pearls. They should be helpful and beautiful. You can say, Where's the marble? Where's the marble? Where's the marble? over and over again or you can say , help me find the marble. The first only serves to annoy because the marble can't hear you. The latter illicits help and it will help solve the problem of the lost marble.

Quiet moments can be magical. Once long ago my son and I were sitting on the couch sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall. Not a word passed between us but we shared so much that day. I strive to have moments like this a least on a weekly basis. This morning I called all the kids to come to the back door. I put my finger to my lips as they each joined me, letting them know to be very quiet. There was a cat prowling outside, stalking our resident blue birds. We watched quietly for a second when one child piped up. "Look at the cat!" I put my hand on his shoulder, smiled and without saying a word I put my finger back up on my lips. No words. It was a gentle reminder. I did this a couple of times with different children. It's hard to keep quiet when something exciting is going on. We managed to observe the cat until he grew tired or bored and he jumped the fence into the neighbors yard. I then had the kids draw a picture of what they observed. It was awesome. Once their pictures where done they each got a chance to share all about the cat and the bird. It was interesting how each one shared something different. The observations were not jaded by someone else's experience and in the end we all got more out of it.

Giving voice to your thoughts can be empowering and healing, but it loses it's value if it's done constantly and without thought. Quiet observation is also quite powerful. I often tell the kids about Jane Goodall. She just sat for years and watched the chimps. Why they ask. I tell them that's how she learned about them. Sometimes I tell them, all your questions can be answered if you quietly observe your surroundings.

The Sound of Silence

I've been reading Rudolf Steiner and Charlotte Mason for the past few days. I find it fascinating that their writing is over 100 years old and yet so much of it, in fact most of it, still applies today. Their pedagogy have many similarities. The most striking for me is the idea of talking to children less or actually explaining less. We parents have been taught that if we want our child to have a rich vocabulary we should talk with them and read to them as often as possible. While I agree with this, I think, as with many things in education, we've gone overboard. Think of the Mozart Effect, so many parents buying Mozart CD's, in the hopes of giving thier child every possible advantage. While, again, this maybe help to wire connections in the brain, it's only a piece of the puzzle.

We are now coming full circle and coming back to basics...it's not that talking is over-rated, but rather that silence is under-rated. How often throughout your day do you have moments of silence? Is their constant chatter going on in your life and/or mind. Are you constantly verbalizing every thought that crosses your mind? How is this affecting your child?

So, where do we begin? How do we choose what we share with our children and what we keep silent about? I read a blog post sometime ago at The Parenting Passageway where she states that "words should be used like pearls." Like everything else, your words should be a conscious manifestation of your thoughts. They should be kind and used for the improvement of your surroundings. Wow! What would happen if we all used our words in this manner? This is pretty powerful stuff!

I'm not suggesting you stop talking with your child. What I am suggesting is that you give thought to your words before they leave your lips. For instance, it's fine to engage your baby while changing their diaper, or during mealtimes. Often times, I found myself talking to my baby simply because there was no one else in the house to talk to! Those moments need to be tempered with moments of silence, like during nursing. I've never met a mother who speaks to her baby during nursing. I don't know if it's instinct kicking in, or just the sheer awe of the moment that keeps us quiet. As your child grow older, he learns to speak by listening to you and those around him. Wawa becomes water. Baba become bottle. As they grow older still your child becomes a chatterbox. This is his job....but it is no longer yours.

As your child's vocabulary becomes richer, you need to make sure your are not tuning him out with constant chatter or explanation about everything under the sun. Children learn and come to knowledge through their experiences, not through yours. It's fine to offer simply explanations when asked, but it's most important to remain silent and let the child observe. They are soaking up the knowledge of life and the world around them, whether it's a bird looking for twigs to build a nest or listening to the sounds coming from the MP3 player, they are observing and absorbing everything around them. Do not rush your young children, learning is a process.

Few words are essential when you are disciplining your child regardless of age. This has been a difficult lesson for me, especially during the teenage and early adult years of my two oldest. The sound of my voice dishing out advice, how to's and reprimands seemed to be my favorite sound in the world. (Sorry, S and J) What I've learned is the less I say, the more they listen. I make it easier for them to not have to sift through all the chatter and get to the essence of my message. I give it to them straight and forward. When my younger ones feel the need to negotiate something that is not negotiable, I simply state that this is not negotiable and go on about my day, singing to myself and ignoring any further requests. Oh, but ignoring a child is just cruel! I'm not ignoring the child. I am simply ignoring a question that I have already answered. I'm teaching my child that you do not need to engage in a power struggle. I'm teaching him that time and words are precious and I don't want to waste them. Again, the child will learn this through observation. We teach as much by what we leave out as by what we share.

This has been a learning process not just for me, but for those around me. Often lately, my husband will ask me if everything is okay because I'm so quiet. I have noticed to that he is speaking less also, but when we do share our thoughts, they are heartfelt and interesting and we are better listeners now that we don't have that need to fill in the silence. There are many things our children must learn in order to have fulfilling and successful lives. I think that being comfortable in silence is one of the most important.

Happy Mother's Day!

...On Being Sick

Does it speak highly of your job when you are actually bummed that you are sick and can't go to work? I think so. I am one of those very fortunate individuals. Today I am not feeling well and I called off classes. I'm disappointed because I had such a cool day planned and was so excited to see the kids enjoying the activities. However tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will be well enough to teach and play, because I'm taking the time to listen to my body today and I'm giving it what it needs. Today I will rest, increase my fluid intake and rest some more. A good reminder that you are only as capable as you are healthy. It's not a good idea to be a martyr when you are working with kids. It will only prolong the illness and then recovery will take even longer.

Take care of yourself, only then can you be a good mom, dad, teacher, friend, employee or boss.

Now I'm off to bed with my hot water bottle and my watered down Gatorade. Until tomorrow.

Wishing you all good health,

Alida

Types of Play

Children play in all sorts of ways and for adults, whether we be parents or educators, it is sometimes hard to decipher what if any learning is taking place. It is imperative that we recognize that children are always learning. As adults we like to think highly of ourselves and sometimes act as if not for our interference children would forever be blank slates. Nothing could be further from the truth. We do have our place and it is an important one. We can certainly facilitate learning, we can encourage and we can provide fertile opportunities for learning, but it is equally important that we take a step back and allow children to learn and to play without our input. It is helpful to identify the different types of "play" we experience throughout of lives to remind us that play is vital and not frivolous. The ages are we when can see these types of play begin. There is no end age, we should strive to play throughout our lifetime.

Types of Play

1. Unoccupied Play ~ Birth to 3 months ~ An infant occupies himself listening to the sounds around him, become familiar with new textures and trying to control motor function. Is there anything more joyous than the sight of your own hand and being able to bring it to your mouth to suck on it?
2. Solitary Play ~ 3 to 18 months ~ A child starts to discover the world around him. The stuffed animal in his crib moves at his touch. As he begin to crawl he find new things to be curious about and new sounds and sights to discover. This type of play continues throughout life.
3. Onlooker Play ~ 18 months and beyond ~ Known in the adult world as a spectator, you are not actively involved in the activity but you participate by watching, cheering etc.
4. Parallel Play ~ 18 months to 2 years ~ Playing side by side with another child but not actively engaged in what they are doing. My husband and I engage in parallel play almost every night. We sit together on the couch each with our laptops working or reading or playing games individually. It is not as much fun if we are in separate rooms or cities.
5. Associative Play ~ 3 to 4 years ~ The beginning of true socialization. You are playing together, sharing, cooperating and even negotiating.
6. Social Play ~ 4 years and beyond ~ We begin to see moral reasoning come into play. What is fair and not fair. We see a development of values. An other child may allow a younger child a head start etc.
7. Motor/Physical Play ~happening all the time~ Using physical strength, motor skills etc. Games such as jumping rope, dodge ball or ring around the rosie come into the picture.
8. Constructive Play ~ happening all the time ~ Explorations of objects and patterns. For older children this take place when building with blocks or Lego's. It's a confidence gaining task.
   
9. Expressive Play ~ happening throughout life ~ Play-doh, paints, rhythms, music, anything that can help express moods or feelings.
10. Fantasy Play ~ as early as 4 years ~ Pretend play often trying on adult roles. Children are learning to think abstractly, they are working out the adult world and making sense of things.
11. Cooperative Play ~ as early as 4 but usually better suited for middle childhood ~ These are group games with specific rules and one leader. Little League, basketball, soccer etc.

This is where the dance between children and adults begins. We must strive to let children have time for unoccupied play, but there is also much to learn from structure play. It is our responsibility to learn when to step in and when to step back. It is completely appropriately to encourage a child to try one more time at bat, but it is inappropriate to launch a child down a slide alone if he is frightened or not physically capable of holding his head up. We must always meet the child where he is physically, emotional and cognitively and we must always remember that play should be joyful.

It is my hope that this information inspires you to include play and playfulness to not just your curriculum, but also to your own lives.

Playfully yours,

Alida

Simplicity Parenting

Kim John Payne is much more eloquent than I am.

Hush!

I just read Sarah Plain and Tall to the kids. In it, Anna tells her brother, "Hush, Caleb. Hush up!" I decided I'm in love with the word "hush." It doesn't matter if you say it a bit frustrated, as Anna did or if you whisper it, it sounds just like what you want. "A hush came over the crowd." It's a quiet sound, don't you think?

In thinking of words I don't like, especially words or phrases I don't like to use around children, so many come to mind. Shut up....cut it out...stop that...oh no you don't! I think I heard all of those at the last daycare I worked at and I only worked for three hours! The thing to remember is that children tend to be quite literal. So when you say, cut it out, they are likely to go get scissors and cut something out. If you say, stop it, they may not respond at all, because they are not sure what it is they should stop. Should they stop running...or put the scissors down...or stop running with scissors? Shut up just sounds rude. So unless it's a dire emergency, I don't use it because kids will emulate you before they listen to you. If you are rude, you best believe your kids are rude too.

Hush, sounds tranquil. "I enjoyed the quiet hush of the house after the evening's dinner bustle." "Hush little baby, don't you cry..." I've noticed that when I whisper "hush" to my kids they quiet down right away. I think they are curious. "Why, mom?" or as they look around, "What is it?" It grabs their attention immediately which is usually what I want when I'm trying to get them to settle down. Try it. I wonder if you'll notice a difference.

Now, let's all hush and get ready for a good nights sleep.

The Schedule

I've been working on a schedule. Funny how we revert back to our comfort zone, even as we are in the midst of a break-through. I had a schedule all made up. I had broken into half-hour increments. After posting it on the web-site and looking at it for a few days, I realized this was exactly what I did not want. I scraped it and just sat on the idea of a schedule for a few days.

I imagined what the days would look like with 5 to 8 kids in tow from 7:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. I thought about the rhythm of the last seven years, what worked, what didn't. Slowly, I started picturing the days as they flow. I decided that in order to have the type of preschool that I want, the type that is tranquil and flowing but yet fun and exciting, I cannot have a set schedule!

How can I have rhythms without a set schedule? I decided to break the day into chunks; morning, afternoon and evening. This allow for rhythms without a rigid schedule that can stifle creativity.

The morning flow will be a bit more structured in the sense that I will be more involved in guiding children through the activities. The afternoon consists of lunch, clean up and rest time. The evening will consist of self-directed activities and wind-down in preparation for going home.

A sample of morning activities may be making musical instruments, using them in the circle gathering. The children may work on the flower garden, planning and planting. The children will always be involved in snack preparation and clean up. There will be other activities available for children who finish their work. Those who delve into their projects with more aplomb can spend more time on them without a break in the rhythm. So the morning continues with activities and chores until lunch time. Yes, you read that correctly, children will be doing chores. Clean up is an essential part of learning.

Lunch is not viewed as something to get through so we can go outside and play. In fact lunch becomes as integral to the learning as any cognitive activity. The children, with guidance will set the table with real dishes, glasses and utensils. No plastic sippy cups or divided plastic plates. Those are convenient for travel, but have no place during a fine dining experience. The children will wash, dry and put away the dishes. After lunch, it's time to relax, reflect and perhaps even time for a nap.

Late afternoon or evening allows children to express themselves in self-directed activities. You'll be surprised the great things little ones come up with if given time and minimal involvement. Depending on the time most children get pick up, we will start winding down about 30 minutes prior. Wash up, read or tell stories, talk about the day, anticipate the next day.

Simple, predictable and flexible...I like it.