Fear and Children

I've started about four different blog posts in the past week. Somehow none of them came to fruition. They all just fizzled out midway and I lost interest. This morning a story on NPR caught my attention. It was concerning the new regulations proposed by the Department of Labor concerning youths working on farms. You can read the story in the Farm Futures blog.

Immediately I asked myself what this was really about. Is the government REALLY trying to eliminate family farms all together? Is this a cynical plan by Con-Agra to consolidate their power in producing "great food?" (Their words, not mine.) Then I heard the spokesperson for the Department of Labor. He spoke about the dangers of "children" driving farm equipment. He remembered his grandfather being hospitalized for months after an accident with a forklift or a combine or some other machinery that I know nothing about. He seemed genuinely concerned.

Of course this all left me asking more questions. Was his grandfather a child when he had his accident? I doubt it, since he remembered it. So, does that mean that if his grandfather had a horrible accident, a child is bound to have one too? I'm not trying to make light or diminish the inherent dangers of big machinery. I am trying to bring to light that there is inherent danger in any experience once you are born. Driving a car, flying a plane, climbing a mountain are all inherently dangerous, yet people do these things, often with children in tow. Climbing a tree is considered too dangerous by some homeowners associations. Walking to school is considered dangerous by most communities.

In a society where we have little to fear, (except our own power and stupidity) we have come to fear our own shadow and we are instilling this fear into our children by shielding them from all dangers, real or perceived. We do not fight wars on our land, we do not die of thirst or starvation, yet we protect our children from the joys and challenges of lives as if their lives depended on it.

It does! Their lives depend on taking risks if we want them to be fulfilled. Their lives depend on being purposeful if we want them to be productive. Their lives depend on the ability to explore their limits, talents, capabilities and curiosity to the very precipice of their being in order to be able to take the reins from these very frightened adults and make fearless decisions about their future.

There is of course another argument against this farm youth labor law which I am just as passionate about, that is the hubris of government believing that it can make better decisions in family matters than families can. How far will we allow government to reach into our lives? The Department of Labor thinks that by passing laws it can better protect children within their own families, yet the USDA wants pizza to have vegetable status. The question then becomes which of these two things is hurting more of our children? Each year hundreds of children are hurt or killed on farms but how many are being slowly killed of future heart disease and diabetes by the horrendous diets served to millions at our local public schools? How many children our we harming by restricting access to fresh air and physical activity? How many children are we dumbing down by continuously restricting them of every conceivable danger? How many laws will the government need to pass in order to keep our children safe? More importantly who is protecting them from perhaps well-meaning but terribly frightened adults?

A New Life, A New World

I haven't posted recently because although we've been open and working, life has taken over every free moment of my time, literally! Meet me precious granddaughter. Audrey Elise was born October 5, 2011 at 11:13 p.m. She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 21 inches long.







So when I'm not working with other wonderful children, I'm holding this precious little one. I'll be posting again soon, but some things in life are just so important that everything else, especially blogging, pales in comparison.

Playing Where Danger Lurks

As you know, we feel very strongly about the importance of play in a child's healthy development. It may come as no surprise that because this is Oregon, we play outside every time it's dry and sometimes even if it's raining. Right now we've been enjoying some pretty awesome weather and the kids have been outside most afternoons. We practice our writing skills using sidewalk chalk. We practice our math skills by chanting the multiplication tables or addition facts while tossing a catching beanbags. We skip rope, play jacks, play with a hula hoop.

Of course the kids are awesome about coming up with all types of creative play. They've made their own obstacle courses. The made an exploding volcano with mud (and vinegar and baking soda) and many of the plastic dinosaurs perished during the eruption. The play structure has been a fort, a look out post and a ship.

Yesterday, they took the jump rope and would let down the slide. One child would grab hold and two children up on the structure would pull and pull until they managed to pull the child on the bottom of the slide all the way up. They then took turns and played this way for over an hour!

At first glance, I almost put a stop to it. In my mind I could just picture all the dangers and accidents waiting to happen. After all, we are talking about school aged kids, a slide and a rope. It's a recipe for disaster. The rope burns, accidental strangulation, accidental falls from the top of the structure were all vivid in my mind's eye. Did I mention the rope has wooden handles and each time they flung it down the slide it came oh so close to taking out an eye? All these worst case scenarios where playing out in my head. Then I realized I WAS RIGHT THERE! The most serious thing that could happen was the someone would get a rope burn or get hit with the wooden handle. I stopped them for just a second and point out these dangers, reminded them to be safe and let them continue playing. I'm so glad I did.

Later they each talked about who the strongest kid was, who was the fastest coming up the slide, who did get a little rope burn and how they knew after that to let go immediately. They spoke excitedly and quickly among themselves, sharing information, deciding that that was an awesome game, making plans for improvements and they unanimously decided they would play again today.

I learned that danger lurks around every corner. I can make that the focus and try to protect kids from every possible scenario and kick myself when I miss something and they get hurt. I can choose to focus on the learning, point out the dangers, remind them to be safe and let them figure it out. I think the latter makes for better adults in the long run.

Ready or Not, Here I Come

Years ago I wrote in my personal blog a post with this same title. It was about my daughter, who was born 10 days sooner than expected. When she was a bit older would stand at her crib and shake the bars and say, "I'm ready mom!", whenever she wanted me to take her out. Some times that was before I was awake or ready myself. She was in her crib because technically she was still a baby, not quite two, and yes, she spoke in clear complete (albeit short) sentences. She didn't so much speak as EXCLAIM! Everything that child uttered had TO BE WRITTEN LIKE THIS! She was and is still a force to be reckoned with. This same child did not walk until she was 18 months old. She has just grasped a hold of reading, she's 7 1/2 years old. She has to yet conquer a bike without training wheels. She sometimes still wets the bed.

All this to say, my child is pretty much like all other children. She's ready when she's ready. Sure, I can help her. I've spent countless (COUNTLESS) hours reading to her. I've taken her and her bike to the park every dry day we've had. Her dad still wakes her and takes her to the bathroom before before he heads to bed. We do this in an effort to support and train her in habits that we hope (actually we know) will stick with her. The issue is that with all our help and support, she'll be ready when she ready. What we do won't necessarily make her do these things sooner, it will hopefully just get her doing them when she's ready. So if you are banging your head against the wall because you've been potty training forever, relax. It'll click...eventually, when you're child is ready.

Did I mention that my girl potty trained herself at 18 months? Did I mention that after a few weeks of no accidents she announced she was done with potty training and proceed to have "accidents" to the point that for my sanity I put a diaper back on her, something I was vehemently criticized for. At about 2 1/2 years she was thankfully once again done with diapers, this time for good. (Except the night thing)

So if you are feeding your child a healthy, balanced diet, if your child is getting fresh air and a balance of active and quiet times, if your child is getting 10 to 12 hours of sleep, if you read to your child, engage him, love him, then your child is ready. He is ready for anything that comes his way and he will demonstrate his readiness when he's good and ready!

September - We Begin Again

I love September. I feel like it's a new year all over again. As much as I love the leisure, warm days of summer, I love the crisp mornings of September, the familiar routines, the looking inward after spending all of summer outside.

Come Tuesday we have so many wonderful things going on. Preschool enrollment is closed. We have two openings available for the after school enrichment program. I'm spending the weekend redoing the classrooms. The summer themes, sea shells, sand, fish etc, will be replaced with shades of Autumn, pumpkins, gourds, apples, orange, red and yellow leaves.

As always, our September theme for preschool is friendship and the changing of the season. For school age, because we have third and fourth graders and because it was such fun during summer, we will be going back in time in September. This time the emphasis will be Oregon history specifically, but we will be doing things the pioneers did including making raised beds and getting them ready for our spring plantings.

Our books this September will include:

For Preschool

Wild Child One of my very favorite

Red Leaf, Yellow Leaf

Friends

Help, A Story of Friendship

For School Age

The Courage of Sarah Noble

On to Oregon

Wishing all of you a safe and fun filled Labor day weekend. See you next week!

Alida

Parent Reform

If schools, faculty and/or their unions, if government cannot solve the myriad of issues and problems in public education, then who can? I think we can. We have to reform our thoughts about education and what having a good education means. We have to make sure education is accessible to our children and that it is accessible to us. Education has been elevated to a point where only experts have a say, even teachers are being left out of the loop. There are many things happening around the world that should outrage us, but education is something that we can tangibly influence.

We need to join forces with teachers and demand very specific changes. We need to let the government know that they will not get away with promoting policies that hinder the learning environment of our children and then blame dedicated teachers when those ridiculous policies fail. We, unlike politicians cannot afford to remain silent. We must rock the boat.

We must engage and commit to our children's education as if their very lives depended on it, because it may well be true. We can start small. A ripple that gathers momentum is all we need. Here are my suggestions:

1. Start where you are. If you are pregnant, educate yourself about your child's development. Start reading aloud to your baby. If your child is older, find out how he's doing, physically, cognitively, emotionally. Don't panic if your child is lagging in any one area. There are differences in the rates of development, but knowing where your child is will help you engage him and thrive. Make sure you are establishing good habits in your child. Healthy foods, well baby visits, fresh air. These things give your child every advantage in growing up happy and healthy.

2. Get yourself ready for school. Be an informed parent. What are your child's strengths and weaknesses? How have you helped your child in the weak areas? How are you encouraging their gifts/strengths? What help would you like from his teachers? This information should come from you. Don't wait until a teacher points out a problem. Be proactive and engaged. Speak with your child's teacher often. Become antiquated with the school staff. Join the PTA/PTO.

3. Learn to deal kindly and effectively with a difficult teacher. Do not allow yourself to be bullied by teachers, office staff or the principal. You know your child better than anyone else. Take control and be a decision maker. Speak your truth clearly, calmly and with conviction. If there is an on going problem, make sure to document EVERYTHING. Every conversation, meeting, conference should be documented. Be an advocate for your child.

I recall years ago and incident with my oldest son. He had heart surgery when he was eight and as a result of that he needed to take antibiotics before every dental appointment. I made his appointments well in advance because I also schedule one with his pediatrician, so I could get the prescription for the antibiotics. So in July, I called to schedule an appointment for August. Turns out the dentist was going to be on vacation the entire month of August, so we scheduled for mid September. The day of his appointment I dropped my son off at school at 11:00 am. I was met by a very rude and somewhat angry Vice Principal who proceeded to reprimand me for bringing my son late on a TEST DAY! We had the following exchange:

"Mrs. Chacon, are you aware the today is a TEST DAY?"
"I am."
"You have brought your son to school late!"
"I have."
"Now, he'll have to make up his test!"
"He will."

She sputtered and turned around and walked away from me. She never once showed concerned or asked why he was late. Her concern was the testing. Testing, in my book, gauges where the child is at the moment. It may or may not be indicative of any future results on the child's abilities or knowledge of a particular subject. I knew where my son what academically. I knew where he was physically and spiritually. At that moment his health was more important to me that his test scores. Knowing these things gave me the strength to stand my ground.

Knowing where you child is, where you want him to go, knowing what his strengths and weakness are will help you stand strong in your convictions and will help you be an advocate for your child. Once we start to speak out. Once we start pointing out what our children need, the changes will happen. They are starting to happen with school lunches. Next on the agenda, class sizes. Send a message to congress and the Secretary of Education that class sizes do matter. Complain clearly and loudly at PTA meeting, to school boards, to local governments, to the media, to the state government and to the federal government.

Keep in mind, that no one gave women the right to vote. Women had to demand it at a great sacrifice. One hundred years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, people had to protest loudly and with great peril to demand protection of their civil rights. The difficult tasks are never voluntarily solved by government, they are solved by the concerned citizens who sometimes sacrifice life and limb to insure a better life for future generations. That is what our children are demanding of us. Let the great Parent Reform begin.

Government Reform

Government does not trust parents to raise their children. Anyone in government would argue that this is not true, but I see it everywhere. It's not just government, it's teachers, business, therapists etc. We have a culture of professionals that know more, know better, know the answers and we the parents are left a bit flummoxed as to how to raise our kids. Government tries it's darnest to help, to close the gap between the have's and the have nots, but they fail to see many things. First, how are the have's and have nots defined? Is it strictly socioeconomic or are there other conditions factored in? WARNING: I'm about to get very honest and not at all politically correct. The government tries to help but in essence creates some unintended consequences. One of the first problems created by this atmosphere of professionals and government programs is that it undermines parents and families. I have spoken with several young unwed mothers who have very honestly told me that they live with their child's father but that there are no plans to get married because the government gives unwed mothers so much help in the form of money, free programs etc., that it doesn't financially behoove them to get married. Granted a few mother's is not a scientific study, but I bet I'm not too far off the mark in saying that government programs are hindering the creation of families and not aiding them. In trying to help young mother's get a head start the government programs are actually keeping them in poverty, both financially and spiritually, because it's hindering their pursuit of a better life. The life the government provides is "good enough", certainly too good to try a something different.

So government involvement in schools is no different. Government officials try, they try so hard to close the gap between the rich and the poor. They try to create programs that "will leave no child behind", yet instead of raising the bar across the board the programs have widen the gap and in the worst case scenarios they have lower the performance across the board. After a decade of NCLB, we still have failing schools, we still have children who do not meet standards, we have disgruntled (and rightly so) teachers and we have frustrated parents.

Government claims to have the child's best interest in mind. I don't believe it. I think even the best intentioned politician ultimately has his/her career front and center. They will try to do right by the children, but only so long as it doesn't hurt their career. They talk themselves into believing that if they lose their seat, they won't be able to help out during the next term. They remain silent because they want their voice to be heard. Unions claim to have the best interest of children in mind, and perhaps they come a little closer to the mark. They after all are the voice of the dedicated teachers that struggle to teach the lowliest among us. However, the teachers are not our children. When unions rail against change, any change because it could hindered the teacher's employment or benefits no matter how worthy the cause, it is still not a concern for our children. Teacher's themselves are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are in the front line dealing with the children they serve, the obnoxious parents, the overbearing administration. They are in constant flux year in and year out regarding their employment, all the while concerned with the livelihood of their own families. Really it's so much that any true concern for the children is trumped by all the other things going on.

Which brings me to the parent. We are the only ones who can truly have our own children's best interest in mind, but the government can't trust us. I can't say that I can really blame them. I too often see why they feel a need to step in. I have often tried to step in myself and "help" a parent who I think is struggling. My eagerness to help is rarely met with enthusiasm or gratitude. Usually my help is met with resistance, indignation and hostility. I however, unlike the government am not offering money or free programs, so my help is usually rejected. So what is a government to do when dealing with such vast difference in attitudes, socioeconomic levels, religious differences, cultural differences etc? Well I think they can fearlessly open the gates of choice. I know that this is quite controversial. Charter schools, vouchers, online learning, private schools, public schools, special programs, continuation school, evening classes, why not just offer it all up as the ultimate sacrifice on the altar of our children. Really give parents a choice and a voice on how their children will be educated. Give parents back the responsibility of raising their kids. What will happen to schools and teachers if the flood gates of education are opened wide? You know, my concern is MY children and THEIR future. I'm sure that well educated teachers will figure it out, isn't that ultimately when a good education is useful?

Stay tuned for the next post: Parent Reform